he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
