nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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