I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
