when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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