i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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