Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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