Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
