your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Text me some of your sweat
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