If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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