i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
