I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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