just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
