Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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