How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
