you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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