Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize