Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
