is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
