you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
