In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
