my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize