Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
