I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
