Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
