Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
