part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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