Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
