Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
