You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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