Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
3 2 1 whiskey
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
