Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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