We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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