I'm so fucking centered right now
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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