i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
