I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
