now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
