another moral hangover. fuck.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
