I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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