You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
