Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
