I like to think it a success when the cops are called
false alarm. still invincible.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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