you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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