Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
