As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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