i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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