She said her name was "party"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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