Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
