Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
