Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize