She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
