I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
