i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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