i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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