what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
