Are we in a gay sports bar?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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