My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
