you have to choose: penises or morals?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
