I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize