You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
