i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Even my vagina gasped.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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